Finding My Light to Illuminate the Path

The Erudite in Harmony with The Star

Dear Readers,

Be prepared: You will encounter repetitive use of the word "trigger." I've often wondered why my presence ignites strong emotions in others, like a spark setting off flames in a dry forest. There's a certain weight in knowing that my words, actions, or even my silence can affect someone's soul, sometimes in a positive way and other times in a negative way. This responsibility, this burden, is not to be taken lightly. I catch glimpses of myself in the reactions of others, revealing a side of me I wasn't aware of, making me recognize our influence on each other. “I trigger you, the trigger triggers me, and by default, creates this dynamic fuck-loop.”

My heart aches when I unintentionally bring out the darkness in others. It's a burden I carry, a weight that reminds me of the deep pain I'm also healing from. I feel guilty and empathetic when I witness the pain in someone's eyes due to something I've said. It's a peculiar and heavy burden, realizing that my presence, despite good intentions, can lead to unintended consequences. Yet, these moments have helped me understand myself and human connections' nature. Learning to navigate these waters is a journey of self-awareness and realizing that the things triggering others are the same things I have grappled with. This journey of self-discovery, though challenging, is also deeply inspiring. It's a testament to the potential for growth in all of us, even in the most difficult situations. 

“When you are The Erudite, you have achieved that which you set out to achieve, and now it’s time to pay it forward. Now it’s time to hold up the light and show others the way, so they won’t feel alone and isolated, with no one to turn to, the way you experienced this path.”

~ Benebell Wen “Book of Maps”

As a Libra moon, I've learned to observe and understand others' emotional responses. I strive for fairness, but not at the cost of being caught up in intense emotional reactions. Instead, I've taken on the role of an observer, calmly witnessing others' triggers. I let go of my ego in this state, shedding the defensive layers and self-importance that once clouded my judgment. Without being filtered through my fears and insecurities, I can see the essence of who they are, diving into the depths of their struggles beyond the surface of their anger or pain. Watching their challenges, I understand that their suffering is not a reflection of me but a mirror of their inner conflicts. “I love you, but that’s a" you” problem.” It might be harsh, but it's about looking out for myself and establishing healthy boundaries. As I've grown, so has my self-worth. I recognize that it's not my responsibility to fix everything. 

Being an empath, I naturally want to provide support, acknowledging the universal human experience. But I am reminded that we're all navigating our battles, each reflecting on our scars. My empathy is not about fixing others' problems but understanding and supporting them in their journey. Finding peace in this awareness, I know that stepping back isn't abandoning them; instead, it's offering the gift of being present to see and comprehend. We constantly encounter choices. Should I get involved? Will speaking my true thoughts harm the other person? I've faced these dilemmas many times; the ultimate response is letting it go. The issues will be resolved in time, as they can only be addressed once they are ripe for resolution. My empathy is a constant source of understanding and support for those around me willing to open up to it.

Truth is increasingly elusive in our society and the world today. The more we embrace our truth without sugarcoating things, the better our lives will be. This realization led me to ask someone, "Have I ever provoked a strong reaction from you?" To my surprise, the answer I received was no. Wait, what? Have I entered another dimension? Could it be true? I may not be fulfilling my role or have encountered a situation where the person's emotional response was unexpected, like a malfunctioning CPU unit in a computer system. These experiences are essential for acquiring the skills to progress and grow. I consider every person my teacher, always asking myself, "What can I learn from this?" It can be challenging to confront the reality of a never-ending situation or accept oneself as a factor.

Through others, I’ve learned that we each have a set of skills to master by design, and as a whole, we can reach our most incredible destiny. I've come to terms with being a disruptor, a term I use to describe my role in initiating change. This may be the universe's way of prompting humanity to progress. It's challenging for me to express these deep thoughts, but I find strength in the wisdom and support of my ancestors. I constantly question everything and refuse to unquestioningly accept fate as absolute because I've experienced numerous remarkable moments. I maintain a strong sense of optimism, even if some perceive it as naive. I firmly believe in the potential of humanity, and when more people embrace their true selves, they can achieve great things. Embracing one's true self is paramount as it empowers and instills confidence, paving the way for incredible achievements.

Do you relate to what I've shared? How might you have approached it differently when in a situation? Managing your emotions can be challenging, but it can also be empowering to steer the circumstances in a new direction.